Basketball

Recently, I been having my basketball game return into my life. I have been an ages never have any basketball game before this due to the busy college life, I realized I am getting fat and very embarrassing on my own appearance. The basketball has reminded me to keep fit and at least exercise for four times in a week to maintain the healthy lifestyle. At the same time, my mood is very down and there are some reasons why would this making me so upset. However, I am getting better. I believe on myself, and I will show my career to all. Basketball really has done the great job on motivating me. I realized sometimes thing that is simple... it can go so dramatically, but for some other kind of people will making thing get worse. The result is actually depend on how the solution decided by the individual. Previously, I been silly making thing get worse and hurting of myself, the emotion is the dangerous weapon of the human being. I been totally out of controlling myself to think negatively on everything, but when my emotion is gone... I solve all the things so easily. I always wonder why the murderer would choose to kill their lover as shown on the new bulletin, case like is very complicating... suppose they would never hurt their lover... The only way to explain why they would done the crime and surrender themselves to the public is their emotion, hate, angry, jealousy is some of the dangerous emotion that would make us think something bad.. if an individual who are weak in standing the emotion.. they might be implementing something which is based on their heavy emotion.

My emotion is recently affected by somethings that have been happened suddenly, I cannot accept the reality so fast. My study is bother, my life changed into dark..... And in this time, a group of friends have invited me for the basketball game...... I am now feeling so touch and I finally realized just because of their invitation, I have loss my motivation on ending my life.... I am really lack of love from others, and when something big happened in my life... I would always choose to give out, I am weak in spirit.

But now, I know such thinking must be changed!!

The night of yesterday, just an hour after my basketball game. I have an experience hanging in the middle of live and death... I almost get killed when riding on my motorcycle in a faster speed, a car from behind trying to over head me in sudden and I was adjusting my helmet with another hand.. this incident almost cause me fall from the high bridge, I was riding my ride near the side of the big and high bridge... at the moment... the only things I thought of is my family.... my friend who are really care about me, and my ex girl friend. In this few second, I found out that I am actually not so willing to end my life.... I actually love my life, I actually want to live! At this moment when I thought I was going to die, I though of my family, my best friend, and why my ex girl friend? The reason why is because I think I would not have any chance to show her the actual good Life... I always wish to tell... life is not about the fun hanging out with the friends outside in the club, life is not just about sex... life is not just about money, and life.... if you really live your life better, you should have chance to feel the love... not just the love from your lover... the love from your family... and you should know the reason why somethings done by your mother to you is actually for your own benefit...

The best thank is belong to the god, he had just gave me a new chance, new life. I always hate about myself when i was young until now, I had pray to god to give a new life... but... unfortunately, the wish has never been heard. But now I finally get what he is trying to express to me, a new life is not about the change of my look.. or the change of my family background... a change of a new life is actually the change of myself, to achieve a new better life... when my own negative personality have changed, I know the point of view in my life will change too... and once I have a better point of view, I will see things simple and easy.

And thank to the basketball at last..

Childish

Maybe I just too childish, my thinking...
I felt really sick about myself..
shame......

I need someone to care about!!

I need a voice!! I want everyone to care about me...
I need someone to hear my voice too!!!
I need you!!!!!!!
BF

Going to have my new Job!!

Thank to my ex schoolmate, I got my new part time job.
This job is really good, I think. I hope I can gained my confidence while working in this inc.

Brachypelma Auratum

My baby Brachypelma Auratum has grow up to 1.5 inches now!
I am very happy to see its new molted body with great color.
This Brachypelma Auratum is one of my favorite in my collection because
I have watch it grow until this size from it's tiny body previously of 1cm...
I love this baby very much!!!

Sucidal

Never again I will think of suicide!
The best revenge to my enemy is my succeed!!
Watch out! I will have my best revenge to you!!
Sweet Avenger.

Something the most I hate about you is you made me love you..

You the best lovers and the worst damage bringer...

My Babies!!

seeing my little baby eating their food is satisfying, hope they can get bigger soon. They are not as small as ant. with one click, the spiderling will die immediately. Just cannot wait them to grow bigger...

My Life...

keep online to search for accompaniment, but end up with nothing. My life seem too boring to me, I hate being so fuck up. Going to have a final exam next week, I just having no mood on implementing myself working on revision. This life is tiring, what in the earth am I? Why I am always alone? Put all the things out of my mind except her, the only memory that I could not erase. I tried, I searched for solution. Why am I still worrying about her until today? She is on another guy's hug? I thought I will forget her sooner but it just beyond my expectation.....

I hope my time can pass through faster, the flow of life will charge by time. And the speed of time we pass is depend on the mood. With my current mood, I think I might need to spend a day like passing of three days. Suffer is slow, irritating. conversely, when someone is happy, the time is pass as fast as speed of light. Hence, the balance of life is not exist.

Ptptn loan is damn complicating! it has drive me crazy, why the government would never provide full amount of loan? it has made my payment very complicating and I am too poor to pay for the fees. Life is getting busy and sux now, my appearance never have been noticed. Feel like being invisible, if I could be, I would be the evils.

A new soulmate?

I am still wondering, if i could get a new girl friend to replace the position of my ex-girl friend. But I know such act is very unfair to the new girl friend. I have try a lot of things to erase her from my mind. But i fail, my mind is always fill with her smile, her touch, her voice, her caring, and all the things she gave me. She is very hard to be forgotten... now, my phone is no more ringing, my voice is low, my spirit is down, my head spining, my tears fall sometimes when remind something silly she did.

Maybe I just need some time, but I believe she will always remain in my mind before I could get myself a new soulmate.

She called me.... I am so shocked about her call.... she telling me about her sister has been caught by police, she cried.. she said she suffering... she said she is very upset... she told me she have made a wrong decision... she said she has no choice... But, unfortunately I am not the guy who use to be side of her every time when she falls... Unluckily, I will never give myself another chance to hurt myself by being with her... I love Her... indeed, I hate her...

Lasiodora Parahybana

(Adult Lasiodora Parahybana Source from Google)
Just got my tiny little lasiodora parahybana from my supplier, they are really small. The size of these little babies are worrying me because this will be the first time of mine taking care of suck small baby. lasiodora parahybana is one of the fast growth tarantula in world rank, it stands the thrid faster growth rate tarantula and large species in the ranking position. I really excited and hope to see them grow inche by inche, this baby is able to grow 7" in two years time. This is the first expenrience of mine taking care on the small size baby like this, it is almost 0.6cm. I believe I am able to keep them to adult successfully, even they are really small as an ant.

My best love ever..

Today is the second day I break up with Jamie, I try to hide my emotion but I fail. Me and Jamie has separate and get back together for some times, but I know there are no turning back at this moment. She has changed, into someone I never recognized...... Where the Jamie old time? I miss her very much......

Tear by tear slipping down my face at the night we break up, I never even know that the main reason is due to one of my best friend when I was very young. At last, I know I must accept this destiny of mine...

The old pass and the new arise, I believe maybe this is a beginning of my journey to life....

Tarantula

Maybe some part of people will think having a tarantula is insane, but I would say it is just interest. Since I was young, I always interested in doing research about the exotic creature although I cannot have by that age because the tarantula is expensive enough for my age by that time. Now, I finally have my ow exotic pet.

The another reason why I keep tarantula is because I found that the tarantula is more interesting while doing more and more research and determination to my own tarantula, the color of the tarantula is most fascinating to me. So I would keep some tarantula which are colorful such as Brachypelma species.

The management of the tarantula is actually very simple, the only thing to need to be concerned is the food you feed it. When feeding a tarantula, we choose a fresh molt meal worm or when feeding tarantula a cricket, we must remove the leg of the cricket which might damage to the tarantula. In some case, tarantula died when having the cricket without removing the cricket's leg. Besides that, we must remove the food after the tarantula finish consume it because the dead bug will brought mites after some short period of time.

Felt like being neglected, why am I always alone.
so sick with my family, so stress in study.. and plus
my love ones actually lied to me for ages, how cruel
the reality is...

But I know, I can finally face the live without them..
The only way is to show how successful am I in the
future, and consider this is a revenge to them......

Boring

Feel like being locked in jail sometimes, without freedom.
I though

Fooling or Joking?

April fool!!
Nobody will know how I lost a friend during this day,
sorry my friend.. maybe you are just too furious...